The ceiling was blank. Not that she really expected to see much there but...... Elly kept staring at the stark white plaster, watching moonshadows dance across it, reflected by the pool mere yards outside her window.

"Come inside now, Elly. It's time to eat."

"No...... Do I have to? I wanna play more! It's still light outside! Please?"

"I'm afraid not litlte one. Your father wants you inside......" Her nanny settled on the grass, kneeling to put her eyes level with Elly's. "We can come out later if you want. We'll go swimming!"

What memories that picture brought back. Who would have thought it would open the floodgate like this?

"Can we be twins? We have the same hair, and you could dress up too!" Elly scampered over the couch, plopping down next to Anaya and grabbing a fistfull of her own hair. "Look!" She took a handfull of Anaya's hair and held it beside her own.

"But what about your mother?" Anaya smiled. "Don't you think she would want to dress up too?"

"But her hair is too light! I can't be twins with her. I want to go with you! Can't we? It'll be fun! No one else will be twins!"

Why...... Why did she feel closer to her nanny than her mother, even now?

How could she ever have loved...... someone other than her mother?

Maybe it was...... her own fault...... like everything else. Her mother had never done anything to drive her away, especially now.

So why did she feel so out of place? She had shied away from her mother these last few days, despite Medena's attempts to bridge the gap, to reach out and sooth the pain in Elly's soul. She was a true mother...... But what was it about her?

Something so hard to pinpoint...... something that drove them apart...... was it something? What was it?

Medena Van Houten...... Gentle mother, wonderful cook, talented seamstress...... faithful wife. Perfect. Erich Van Houten...... Stern father, tactical genius, member of Solaris Command. They were the perfect parents. They deserved a perfect daughter. But what did they have instead?

Elehayym Van Houten...... the black sheep of the family. Short, dark haired, untalented...... a Lamb...... Isn't that what they think about me? Even at Jugend that rumor went around, because of the way I look. Elly's fingers reached up of their own accord, brushing her limp auburn bangs. Why don't I look like my mother? I don't even look like my father. Only the eyes.......

Jen had been the one to tell her about it. What a slap in the face it had been, to hear something like that from her own friend! It was just a stupid rumor...... Her father said so, and her father wouldn't lie to her...... right? Not about something like that.

But he never really answered the question, did he? The thought floated up out of nowhere, and she tried to ignore it. Why would he hold back?

Her eyes slid shut, the afterimage of the reflections still glowing eerily beneath her eyelids.

But why would he lie......?

Stupid....... it's a stupid thing to worry about.

Elly pulled her uniform over her head, scrunching up her face as she shoved it through the collar. The rest of it slid easily into place, slithering over her body suit and settling over her hips.

She hated this uniform.

Today she would be back on duty, even though Dominia was still on the surface with her team. And what a day to go back on...... Couldn't she have had those dreams last week? Every time she heard the rumor again...... it was so hard to face people who thought she was only half a step up from third class.

What was their problem? Land dwellers weren't so bad. Anaya had been a land dweller, and she had never seemed dirty, or unenlightened, or mean. She had been kind, and gentle, and fun to play with. That was more than she could say about her Gazel 'friends'.

And this uniform stood for what they stood for. Right now, she couldn't remember why she had wanted to wear it so badly.

Father. I wanted to be with my father...... She pushed her hand into a glove, pulling it over her arm and up to her shoulder. But Dad didn't want me in the military....... he wanted me to stay here and work on 'girl stuff' with mom. It was kind of funny, that her father wanted her to be a traditional daughter, to marry her off like her mother had been......

She shoved her other hand into the last glove, staring at her reflection in the mirror.

What a disappointment I must be......


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