"I am glad to see you're recovering from the shock, Elehayym. I'm afraid the compounds used to counteract Drive aren't always...... reliable." The woman smiled, her expression almost kind, and pushed strands of indigo hair from her eyes. "Lord Krelian wanted to be assured of your well being."

Why should he care? I don't understand. Elly let her toes dip into the water again, reveling in the cool waves lapping against her feet. When was her mother going to get home? She had left hours ago.

Instead, she said quietly, "You can tell him I'm fine. I'm not feeling...... sick anymore." Not physically, in any case. If she let her mind drift, the memories were there......

"You have been released from probation, in that case. You have permission to resume your command at the beginning of next week."

That hated voice...... "Next week? Why not now?"

Miang shrugged. "Dominia was given temporary command for a mission to the surface." She paused. "Any other questions can be directed to your supervising officer. I'm afraid I have to return to the labs."

Elly returned her salute listlessly, watching the woman stride into her house, and presumably out of it. Aide to Ramsus? More like...... She snapped the thought off before it had a chance to go anywhere. She didn't care what the Commander did with his time -- or who he spent it with. The rumors meant nothing to her.

She only knew that she disliked the woman who had just departed. Intensely.

You can't shrug the blame onto someone else's shoulders. This is your fault! You did this!

Elly shuddered. How could she be so cruel at one moment, and solicitous at another?

Take responsibility for your actions!

It was a harsh truth. One she did not want to face. How could it be her fault? She hadn't taken the drug! They had forced it into her veins, strapping her to that cold metal slab in the testing rooms...... Miang had watched through the glass as she lost control of the Ether, burned through......

"Stop!" Elly clutched her head in her hands, chin trembling. Her fingers hurt from the grip, but not as much as the memory. She would have gladly taken any wound, as long as the physical pain took away the tight, awful feeling tightening around her chest......

It wasn't her fault. It wasn't!

If it was my fault, would they be letting me go?

She forced herself to release her grip, wincing as the ring she had received for her last birthday caught on a few strands of her hair. Lord Krelian said...... What had he said? She couldn't remember. But whatever it was had stopped her hysterics after...... the incident. Hysterics...... Like Dad would have said......

Well, there were worse things than turing out like her father.

Like turning into Miang.

Would I be able to talk to him...... I wonder?

The halls of the Lab were stark and sterile, all gray and white; but everything in Solaris was gray and white. And if they were a little quieter, a little emptier...... Well, who wanted to visit this place? Most patients didn't come out alive.

It was just one of those things. No reason to question it.

But hopefully Jen would be coming out alive. She was the only member of Elly's strike team that had not been sent on the mission with Dominia; her condition was still a mystery. Nothing appeared to be wrong with her.

If anything, a visit with one of her oldest friends should take her mind off of her problems. Jen was a joker, no question. She could find something funny in just about anything.

And Elly needed to laugh. If she didn't do something, the memories would eat her alive.

She marched up the last flight of stairs and fairly ran through the last corridor, slowing only to pass the reception desk without disturbing its occupant. As soon as she passed the woman, she quickened her stride again, tracing the path she had walked at least a dozen times before her enforced vacation. Jen's door was already in sight.

But when she opened the door, an empty bed was all there was to greet her.


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