Living in Etrenank was all Elly had ever known, but it seemed alien to her, and then familiar, all at once. She had dreams of cathedrals, or lakes, or a wide, empty ocean, but she had never seen those places. They were only something one heard of in books, or from Gebler troops dispatched to the surface of the world.

What if those places were real?

What if I ran there, and never came back? Would anyone miss me?

Elly let her toes brush the surface of her pool, watching the ripples float outward in perfect rings and waves. She was still confined to her father's property, hardly allowed to leave the house, much less pass through the manor gate.

They might not miss her, but they would certainly notice if she disappeared.

It was all like a nightmare. She hadn't had any sleep in days. Visions from that day not so long ago still played out behind her eyes the moment she closed them. Half a week wasn't enough to dispel that kind of guilt. Nothing was. She was afraid it would never go away, that she would always remember that burst of agonizing rage. She still had no idea why the Drive had induced it. Or how.

Or why.

"Rage is a normal side effect, Elly. I suggest you forget about the entire incident."

"Forget? How am I supposed to......?" Everything misted as tears threatened to spill over again.

Lord Krelian's expression never changed, but she thought she could almost feel some shift in his demeanor. "I came only to administer a preventative treatment. The drug is already out of your system. There is no more I can do for you at this time. Only you can master your emotions."

Her father called him a stone wall -- completely devoid of human emotion. But she didn't believe that. He had sounded like he knew what he was talking about. Duty, emotion..... I wonder why......

So, she had a stern "just follow orders and don't worry about it" from her father, and a "master your emotions" from the very scientist who had created the drug responsible for all of this.

Would life always be this bad?

They said Lord Krelian had served Solaris for over five hundred years. If it was true, he must know the answer to that question.

Or maybe his expression said it all. She had never seen such a dour, bitter expression on any other man, or woman, for that matter. What could possibly be that bad? I can't believe......

"Elly!"

She twisted around, glancing back at the house. Her mother was leaning out of the window in her father's study, long hair drifting loose in a small, prevailing breeze. Elly felt her own hair absently, wondering for the thousanth time why it was so different.

"I need to pick up a few things at the store. Will you be all right here while I'm gone? It won't be long."

She nodded and waved, watching her mother duck back into the house.

I wish I could go with you, she thought silently.

I wish I could just disappear......

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