Walls of Twilight

By: Rune Grey

starstrike@softhome.net

Perhaps I am a butterfly. Or at least a moth, for I always seem to return to the flame, heedless of the danger that my presence presents to both myself and the flame. As a moth can fly to close and be consumed, so can he also extinguish that light with his passage... or his death.

The long corridor is silent, except for the whistle of the slight draft that moves through here. The walls are done in clear crystal and shining white marble, with a elegance that would make even an accomplished artist weep at the sight, and a simplicity that did no over awe the person walking towards their destination.

I pause for a moment, asking myself if I want to do this again. To cast myself into the crucible, to leap from the frying pan into the fire as it were. Every time I am given a choice... I can go forward, and prepare myself for certain death. I can go back, and forget my time here. Return to my normal life, all records and memories of this place erased from my mind. That is the price of my freedom. This is the price I pay for my obsession.

The tall marble doors at the end of the corridor beacon me, inviting me to move closer and peer within. They are carved from the same marble as the walls, with relieves of angels and birds flying across the panels. In the center is a carving of the Cross of Nisan, a tribute to the sacrifice that was made for the freedom off all the land dwellers so many years ago. I rest one of my hands upon the door, its old, weatherworn surface standing out against the glowing white marble.

I ask myself again, do I want to do this?

Yes.

A small amount of pressure and the doors yield to my touch, swinging wide in order to facilitate my entry. Almost perfectly balanced, they serve as a barrier to the outside world in times of war, and as a warm welcome during times of peace. In a sense, they are reflections of the person who dwells within this chamber.

I take a single step into the room, taking in the splendor that surrounds me. The entire room is carved from the same marble as the hallways, with very few carvings or relieves within the chamber proper. The floor, except for a narrow walkway and the main dais, is a giant window to the brilliant blue sky below. The light is gathered within the confines of the room, where it seems to set the marble aglow with white light. Colors of any kind, other than the white which seems to cover the room, stand out, allowing one to make out many small details that would be missed in a more normal room.

The walkway is not difficult to navigate... I have walked along it many times in the past, always on some piece of official business or another. It ends in a small circular platform, separated from the main dais by a small gap of open air. I kneel down, looking into the blue and white expanse below me and wonder. I wonder what the future will hold for me.

The main dais is surrounded by a large, light blue crystal curtain. The color is difficult to notice inside of the white marble, but its presence screens the occupant of that dais's single chair from visitors on the smaller platform. A single motion of the occupants hand is all that it takes to activate a device hidden somewhere within the room, silently sliding the curtain aside and raising a pair of steps so that one may ascend to the central dais.

Behind a second, transparent wall of crystal sits the ruler of this city. A woman who has shaped the history of the world over her five hundred years of life, who has resisted the predications of a corrupt empire, and who has worked to save those surface dwellers from the atrocities of that same empire.

For a moment she stares into the skylight, contemplating some matter or another. At first glance, she appears to be nothing more than a child... certainly not someone who could have fought in the war five hundred years ago. A young child, easily influenced by her 'elders'.

None of those illusions last beyond the first time that she looks at you with her green eyes. Behind those eyes rests a will of iron, a will that helped to assemble one of the greatest fighting forces on the planet. A will that has allowed her to lead her people for five hundred years against Solaris. A will that has refused to break, despite whatever horrors she may have been forced to see.

Those eyes now turn to me as I kneel again, my own eyes cast respectfully to the floor. I do not bother to consider how I look to her... covered with the dusk of the road, my clothes torn and ragged, by boots almost falling apart. This is not the worst shape I have ever visited this throne room in... at times I have been helped in on the shoulders of two guards, dizzy from the loss of blood and delirious, so that I may deliver my reports.

"Rise, old friend." Zephyr ordered quietly, gesturing for me to rise from the floor. Her voice is like music to my ears, a symphony of crystals that has fascinated me for years, ever since I first heard it so long ago. Obediently I stood, maintaining a respectful distance from the Queen as I did so.

Zephyr smiled, that deep, mysterious smile that always manages to move me whenever I see it. "It has been a while. I trust that your last mission was a successful one?" she asks quietly, gesturing for me to walk closer to the throne. "The intelligence information that you have managed to gather for us has been invaluable in helping to stop the purges of two cities, as well as thwart the abduction of over a thousand surface dwellers. I, we, are grateful for your service Kahn."

That is my name. Kahn Wong, independent operative for the Floating City of Shevat. I have served this city with every ounce of sweat and blood I possess for over ten years, sacrificing a part of my life that I may never regain in order to do so. I have walked through fire, crawled through sewers, braved enemy forces greater than any imagined in my years of service. And I have returned here, as I have done every time.

My reply is precise and considerate, with no more emotion than is proper when addressing a lady of higher rank. "Thank you, my Queen. As you know, it is a pleasure to serve you, as always."

Zephry smiles, a smile that is mirrored on my face. "Thank you Kahn. I hope that the council will recognize the importance of the data you have managed to retrieve this time... I do not want you to feel as if your actions are being ignored."

"My Queen, you are too generous. Simply being able to serve you is reward enough for any man." The reply came out quickly, sounding as much like the ceremonial incantation it had turned into over the years. Zephyr's eyes softened for a moment as I let a bit of the pain I feel flash through my eyes.

We both stand there, silent for a time. Perhaps a minute passes, perhaps and hour, as we simply stare into each others eyes. Then, she extends her hand to me, palm up.

No words are exchanged. I reach out slowly, my thick, old, weathered hand in stark contrast against her smooth, elegant, and slightly pale one. Then, when I am just about to touch her, I stop. Again we stand there, our hands inches apart, yet not quite touching.

For just a moment, my hand trembles. If it is from anxiety, or from fear, I do not know. But I slowly withdraw my hand, and kneel down on the floor again. I don't look up... I know that if I did, the look in her eyes would break my heart.

Love can cross boundaries of time and space, that is true. But there are some boundaries, those of duty, honor, and responsibility, that two people can not cross. Despite how much they may wish to. Despite how much they may curse those barriers that hold them back. Both of us are of two different worlds... she lives in the light of Shevat, I live in the darkness of Ignas. We only glimpse each other through the shimmering barrier of twilight, the wall that defines our lives...

For a moment, I hate my life. I hate everything about it. The walls that separates me from Zephyr, clear as crystal, thin as paper, and as strong as the hardest armor, are my family. My wife Karen, who goes for months without seeing her husband. And my son, Fei, who has grown up without a father for most of his life. I can not bring myself to hate them... I loved Karen for many years, and perhaps I still do love her. Fei is my pride and joy... each time I come home I teach him as much as I can about martial arts, and he is perhaps my greatest student. Both of them have large places in my heart... almost as large as the place the woman who sits before me has.

Zephyr is the ruler of one of the oldest, and most powerful, countries in Ingas. She has lead her people through war and peace, resisting Solaris from the very beginning of her reign. But her ministers and councilors are another story... several of them are as old as she is, dating back from the Nisan War five hundred years ago. The same councilors who sold Mother Sophia to the Solarians. They would never permit me any type of true contact with Zephyr, apart from my position of one of their spies. For a country independent of Solaris's rule, some of these people could be the most conservative bigots I've ever met.

For the ten years that I have several Shevat, I have never once touched Zephyr. The closest we have ever come is the gesture that we have made today... an acknowledgement of the existence of something we both know is forbidden, yet both desire. It is for that reason, perhaps for that one gesture, that I return here again and again.

"Kahn... we know that you are one of our most loyal servants." Zephyr finally replies, her voice slightly strained. Looking up, I see that she has again place her mask of Queen of Shevat on, that small gentle smile of a woman who looks upon all of her 'children' with kindness and the love of a mother. "And we also realize that we have stolen much of your time of late. Allow me to handle the council for now.. return to your wife and son for now. I know that your mission has kept you from your home for many months..."

She doesnÆt finish the statement. And I don't want her to. Part of me is relieved that I will finally be able to return home to Fei and Karen, and part of me curses that I must leave again. I simply nod, and thank Zephyr for her kindness. Perhaps if I get out of Shevat for a while, I can get the sight of her face, the sound of her voice, the smell of her perfume, out of my mind for a while.

A little time with my family.

Perhaps I can even figure out what Fei has been trying to tell me on my last few visits...

Fini

Authors Note:

This fic started as a favor to my good friend Amber... I offered to write her a story for her birthday, and asked which characters she would like to see portrayed. She told me that she wanted to see a fic about Kahn or Zephyr... well, that got a few wheels turning, and this is what resulted.

The main idea for this story sprang from Kahn's apparent blindness to the changes that Karen, Fei's mother had undergone. If the person who you've spent much of your life with, and are in love with, changes overnight, then you would probably be the first one to notice it.

Kahn obviously didn't. A little bit of authors license, and...

I love comments... as long as they are logical comments I don't have to dig out my asbestos vest for, that is. Please feel free to let me know what you think at starstrike@softhome.net Arigato. ^^

This fic is dedicated to Amber Michelle. Happy Birthday Amber, and thank you for being a source of inspiration for us all. ^_~