I wrote it. Don't get all bent out of shape. It was late, I was trying to study chemistry while listening to Metallica (maybe that wasn't such a good idea) and just happened to listen to this song a few times too many. An obsession was born and chemistry was tossed aside. I'm also in the middle of my very first fanfic! Everybody cheer! Anyways, who wouldn't like anything written about our favorite one-eyed pseudo-Solarian Sigurd! (wow, that was a mouthful o_0) Okay now for the disclaimer thingy: I don't own Xenogears, its characters, or its story, they belong to Squaresoft, I just use it for my own amusement ^_^…nor do I lay claim to One or Metallica…they just got sucked into my devious little head…but this songfic is mine. Mine mine mine! So, with that over, go read! Enjoy!

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One

The boy lay in the barren room, totally oblivious to the rest of the world. Two men talked over him, their conversation hushed despite their subject's inability to hear them.

"There's no way around it, if I am to give him to you, his memories must be erased. You don't seriously think he'll be manageable if he knows what's been done to him do you?"

The other man shook his head. "But look at him Lord Krelian. He won't survive the brainwashing in his condition. He's going through a raging withdrawal and total system shock, at least give me permission to use your facilities to fix him up. You can't deny that his talent won't be a great asset to Solaris."

Krelian looked at the wreck of a human being that lay at his feet. Even in sleep the boy was clearly in a great deal of pain, barely alive. The scientist wondered how long it had been since the child had had true sleep. The test subjects were used when needed, no matter the time of day. Drugs were used to wake them and keep them awake, as well as put them out to let their bodies recuperate enough to get through the next round of tests and it was like this for as long as the subject held out.

"Very well, but please don't take long Jesiah." The Gebler officer nodded and bent down to pick up the boy, taking great care not to cause anymore pain.

"C'mon Sigurd, we'll get you fixed up in no time."

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I can't remember anything

can't tell if this is true or dream

deep down inside I feel to scream

this terrible silence stops me

now that the war is through with me

I'm waking up I cannot see

that there is not much left of me

nothing is real but pain now

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He didn't know why, but it had stopped. Suddenly yanked out of the labs and tossed into a room without a word. He wasn't surprised, no one had spoken to him in two years and he wasn't sure if he could even remember how to speak himself. But he did know one thing, and that was that his whole world was only pain. They were through with him and they'd probably let him die here. Not that he cared, already he was blacking out and waves of fire seemed to pulse out from his heart with every single beat. He wanted to die. And just as it seemed he was about to go to sleep and never wake again, he heard someone say his name, reassuring him that everything would be all right. Sigurd wanted to cry…he didn't want that dream to taunt him, what life was there left for him?

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hold my breath as I wish for death

oh please God wake me

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Back in the womb its much too real

in pumps life that I must feel

but can't look forward to reveal

look to the time when I'll live

fed through the tube that sticks in me

just like a wartime novelty

tied to machines that make me be

cut this life off from me

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Back in a tube, oh what a joy life was. Only now he was angry because it was keeping him alive, and there was nothing he could do about it. The stupid wires and tubes that kept him breathing, kept his heart going. The pain was gone, and it was replaced with anger. Anger at being taken away, anger at what had been done to him, anger at being forced to die when he had wanted to live, and now being forced to live when he wanted to die.

Well he would show them what happened when you screwed with people and finally pushed them too far. He wouldn't be used again. Sigurd gathered his newfound ether, clenching fists in the tube as he felt the temperature around him jump dramatically. Life monitoring alarms started to go off when the liquid around him started to boil. Sigurd only fed it more and circuits started to blow as the heat fried them, starting fires throughout the room. He was going to pass out soon, but he had to hang on just a little longer…

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Hold my breath as I wish for death

oh please God, wake me

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He put everything he had into one burst. The glass shattered and people two levels up felt the shockwave from the explosion.

Jesiah took the stairs two at a time, with Krelian right behind him. They rushed into the demolished room, the fires already put out by the sprinklers. Krelian looked around him in astonishment. And here he had been using the boy as a meager test subject for Drive! Unfortunately the boy was out of his hands now, but maybe Jesaiah had a better use for him after all. He hoped he was still in one piece after that.

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Now the world is gone and I'm just one

oh God, help me hold my breath as I wish for death

oh please God, wake me

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Sixteen months later, Jugend

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Darkness

Imprisoning me

all that I see

absolute horror

I cannot live

I cannot die

trapped in myself

body my holding cell

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~people screaming, and others listless and hollow, green filled tubes as far as you could see and he was just one of them…just one…one…~

Sigurd thrashed in the midst of a nightmare, twisting in his sheets around him. He was sweating, despite the chilly temperatures in the room. He was trapped in something he couldn't understand, everything he was experiencing felt real, and he felt totally helpless against it, like the nightmare were feeding on some deep-rooted fear he knew nothing of. The temperature in the room slowly began to rise and Sigurd rolled over again, groaning in his sleep.

Hyuuga walked through the hallways, leafing through a textbook; he had been in the library studying so he would not disturb Sigurd. His nostrils twitched and he paused to identify the strange smell. Smoke!! He took off down the hall, following the smell until he came to his own door. When it didn't open as he approached, he slid his key card through the lock.

"Sigurd? Sigurd answer me!" He pounded on the door with his fists. The smoke was starting to seep through the cracks around the door and Hyuuga tore off the panel, ripping out wires trying to find the ones he wanted. He hotwired the open command and had to back up as smoke billowed out and flames licked the ceiling. He called up his ether, and drenched himself before diving into the room. Ramsus had come out of his room upon hearing Hyuuga's cries and saw him disappear into the cloud of smoke.

The water Element was trying to wake Sigurd, who was untouched by his own destructive power because of his ether shield. Hyuuga looked around the room quickly and about panicked when he saw the fire climbing up the walls, almost reaching the gas lines. Ramsus appeared and lifted Sigurd effortlessly off the bed.

"Let's get out of here!" he shouted and made a run for the door. They made it out, sort of, before the room exploded. They got tossed the rest of the way down the hall and landed in a big heap.

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Landmine

has taken my sight

taken my speech

taken my hearing

taken my arms

taken my legs

taken my soul

left me with life in Hell

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Security and emergency personnel were filling the hallway putting out the fire. Ramsus and Hyuuga were sitting on the steps outside of the dormitory with Sigurd between them, along with the rest of the student body of Jugend. They could hear grumblings, not that Hyuuga blamed them, it was chilly out and two in the morning was not a pleasant time to be awake.

Ramsus shook his head, looking at Sigurd. "Ch. Look at him, he's the one who did all this and he didn't even wake up." He rubbed his leg and stretched his back in a vain attempt to prevent sore muscles. One does not get thrown into walls without a few bumps and bruises.

Hyuuga chuckled, pushing some of Sigurd's hair away from his face. "But when he does, he'll wish he hadn't. You don't expel that kind of ether and retain your basic motor functions anytime soon; he'll be laid up for quite awhile. Focused attacks are one thing, but that was all raw power."

As if sensing he was being talked about, Sigurd opened his eyes and quickly shut them. Even the stars seemed infernally bright and pierced right through his skull. He groaned and Ramsus and Hyuuga leaned over when they heard him.

"Morning sunshine. You made a pretty nice 'boom'." Ramsus stated blandly, but seemed relieved that Sigurd was awake.

"Not to mention obliterating our room." Hyuuga added.

Sigurd grimaced, not attempting to open his eyes, instead letting himself lean against Hyuuga since he couldn't feel his limbs and his ears were ringing. "What t'hell 'appened. 'know I didn't drink…" His words were garbled and Hyuuga had to smile at the poor confused look on his friend's face. "No you are not suffering from a hangover, much worse in fact," Sigurd dared open his eyes to give his room mate a pitiful look. Not much in Sigurd's mind was worse than a hangover.

His eyebrows drew together, like he had remembered something. "Had a bd' dream…"

Hyuuga thought about this, he guessed that could explain the ether, but it must have been one hell of a nightmare. Just then Jessiah approached and he didn't look happy.

"I can't leave you boys alone for one night without you wrecking something!" Sigurd winced at the loud voice assaulting his poor ears. Hyuuga gave his superior a glare. "Sigurd had a nightmare and he subconsciously released his ether…a lot of it." Jessiah's face changed to one of slightly less malice and slightly more concern as he bent down to look at Sigurd who was now sprawled across Hyuuga and was perfectly contented never to move again. He felt if he did, he'd break into a billion pieces.

"Are you ok?" Jessiah asked, taking Sigurd's chin in his hand and turning his head, briefly checking limbs. Sigurd muttered something impolite and he took that as a yes. "Quite the little fire starter aren't you?" He said with a chuckle. Sigurd weakly smiled back "Yeah I guess I am." and then, his voice low so only Jessaih could here, "I guess that makes twice now."

Jessiah stopped and looked at Sigurd, whose eyes were no longer glazed with confusion or pain. They were determined and held knowledge. I know. He thought at Jessiah with all the empathic force he could muster before falling back, letting his body ache and his thoughts drift.

Yes he knew. He remembered, or he was beginning to. And he knew his time here in Solaris was short.

I'm coming home Bartholomew…