SCENE:
A typical suburban home, owned by Mr. Jones,
who is sitting on the couch, reading a newspaper peacefully.
(The Xenogears sound effect of a gear trotting down the street is heard outside, followed by the *swoosh* of the gear doors and the bizarre electronic sound that is supposed to represent the gear pilot jumping out and landing on the ground, somehow avoiding injury. A second later, the doorbell rings.)
MR. JONES:
Now who could that be?
(puts the paper down, and walks curiously over
to the door, opening it)
[Enter Grahf, a menacing salesman clad in a non-descript business suit, topped by a broad, ridiculous looking, rust colored hat with a skull like visage and demonic gold eyes. Immediately, the soundtrack Grahf: Emperor of Darkness begins playing in the background]
MR. JONES:
Yes? Who is it?
GRAHF:
I AM GRAHF, THE SEEKER OF COVERAGE! HAVE YOU NOT SEEN MY INFOMERCIAL?
DOST THOU DESIRE THE INSURANCE?
MR. JONES:
Insurance? Oh, no thanks. We already
have insurance.
GRAHF:
(angrily) THAT IS NOT REAL INSURANCE,
THAT IS FAKE INSURANCE!
MR. JONES:
(confused) Fake
insurance?
GRAHF:
YES. FAKE INSURANCE FROM A FAKE CORPORATION. I SHALL SHOW
YOU REAL INSURANCE! DOST THOU DESIRE THE COVERAGE?
MR. JONES:
Um... well...
GRAHF:
I take that as a yes.
(A crimson aura of ether manifests around Grahf's forearm, who suddenly begins posing with bizarre arm gestures)
GRAHF:
MY FIST IS THE DOLLAR'S BREATH!
(cymbals clash, other symphonic effects)
BLOSSOM O WHITE-COLLARED SEED, AND GRANT UNTO THEE THE POWER OF THE GLORIOUS MOTHER OF INSURANCE!!
(The crimson aura transforms into a ray of energy, which hastily envelops Mr. Jones. The suburbanite trembles uncontrollably when faced with the power of a thousand soulless corporations)
GRAHF:
It is done, o servant of thine mediocrity. Thy house now has
full coverage for any damage inflicted by hurricanes or rampaging gears.
Valid only in midwestern and mountain states, and only when within range
of an active Zohar reactor. Offer nullified if house first hit with
a Jesse cannon, or if Demon of Elru present.
MR. JONES:
(shakes a moment and recovers)
Hurricane Insurance? Rampaging Gears? But I live in Denver!
GRAHF:
Oh yes, and by the way, the down payment for Coverage of Power will
be 100,000 US Dollars, with 10,000 Dollar monthly payments. I shall
extract the down payment, now.
(Waves hand, and Xenogears sound effect for paying Gils sounds inexplicably. Somewhere in the world, a computer reports Mr. Jones' savings account plummeting into thin air)
MR. JONES:
(enraged)
Hey! I didn't agree to anything! You didn't even give me a contract!
GRAHF:
Ha Ha Ha! You remind me of Kahn.
[exit GRAHF] (door slams)
The sound of Grahf's gear is heard, trotting away in the background.
Feel free to direct your questions, comments,
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